Mending

I haven’t written much lately, as life with 3 young ones and an awesome husband who works very hard for his family, doesn’t leave me much extra time to write!

Mom’s dementia has progressed significantly in the last 6 months. She is in and out of reality now. Her spunky spirit and personality are still there though, which allows us to still have some great conversations! A lot of times she seems to be living in the past. At times she still thinks that my dad and her are still together (they haven’t been for almost 8 years).

She says things like, “I think I will have your father take me to dinner to (will name a long ago restaurant they used to frequent) this weekend.” Or the other day she said to me, “We had a terrible family tragedy. My dad (my bapa who has been gone for over 20 years) just lost his job that he has had for 30 years. My mother is SO upset.” My heart sometimes breaks a little with each delusion. I see her pained look and I feel the pain too. But I have the pain of also seeing her slowly drift away from me.

I have come to a comfortable place of acceptance now…most days anyway. I am grateful for being entrusted to care for my mother in her last years, or days. My faith has allowed me to see that forgiveness is key. It is never easy, but nothing worth anything in life ever is. I am closer and closer to letting go of the past, and focusing on the good of the future. I have made peace with the past, and can now fully live in the present. God has placed amazing guides in my life to help me do that…my therapist, my spiritual director, my husband and kids, my church community and friends….and for that and this life I will be forever grateful! I love poetry. Here’s another…..(and a favorite song of healing at the end)

I will be your eyes

and help you see

that not all is lost..

you still have me

 

Your mind betrays you…

and you wonder, Why?

ow did this happen?

Where are you?

You just can’t believe

that your parents 

are really gone…

 

You can still make jokes

and I can still make you laugh

I thank God for that

 

 

When all else 

is foggy and unsure

you can still

hold my hand and know

that it’s me for sure

 

And for that 

today, now,

in this moment,

I am grateful.

 

Mended by Watermark….a beautiful song of healing

You repair all that we have torn apart and
You unveil a new beginning in our hearts and
We stand grateful for all that has been left behind and
All that goes before us

You’ve got all things suspended
All things connected
Nothing was forgotten
‘Cause your love is perfect
You are our healer
And you know what’s broken
And we’re not a mystery to you
(to you, oh Lord, to you)

We will dance ’cause you restore the wasted years and
You will sing over all our coming fears and
We’ll stand grateful for all that has been left behind and all that goes before us

Lord, you mend the breech
And you break every fetter
You give us your best, but what we thought was better
And you are to be praised
You are to be praised (4x)

(to you, oh Lord, mender of the broken)

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One thought on “Mending

  1. It is a sad thing to see the person who once was disappear before your eyes. We just lost my MIL to dementia. She just wasted away. Hospice was wonderful during the last month. We are grateful that we had her for so many years.

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