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She is the brightest in the room,
and always has been.
Wearing the bright yellow sweater
I took from her home closet,
still in it’s package.
Passing it off as new,
not wanting to remind her
of home…
where ever that may be.
We stroll &
repeat our stories
again and again,
trying to pretend
that these things
have never been said.
I embrace our time…
these second
and third chances…
Grateful that she
still knows me,
and our lives.
God closed a few doors,
but opened more
windows wide…
And I am basking in
those breezes
that His peace brings…
And I will stand
tall, strong
and true,
Looking out on
the horizon,
with no worries
of  impending storms…
Only hope
for the day
and the truth of who
I am,
you are,
& we are
In Him.

 

Facades

 

Your brilliant, colorful silks

and delicate luxuries

build up dust

and have greatly faded

in the relentless,

harsh sunlight.

 

To much of a good thing, I guess.

 

Part museum,

part mausoleum,

frozen in time.

 

The dates

on boxes and cans

are marked 2005:

when you were last here.

 

Just hiding out

in those beautiful

intricately detailed

custom-made

facades…

 

Ironically, similar

to how you once lived.

 

By the World’s standards,

you once had 

everything

 

Rooms galore,

intense, blinding beauty

all around…

“The Good Life” on 2 shores.

 

Yet, all that outward glamour

and perfection

couldn’t save you

from what was

eating you inside…

 

Your painful fears,

dark doubts,

and dangerous pride…

I watch this video, with its upbeat tempo and the good music, and think “facade”.  Amy is singing about her failed attempts at getting sober, clean, and healthy. But, you would hardly know that by watching the dancing crowd and band players. All I see though, as I have lived a long life as a daughter of an alcoholic, is despair and pain. Money, power, fame, even talent, can become facades to hide behind…if we are not careful and discerning. There is a reason why “The Serenity Prayer” is the main prayer read at AA and Al-Anon meetings! We can not do it without our God!

Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Like an Onion

 Español: Cebolla siendo cortada.

They say

grief

is like an onion

You shed

your tender layers

with

copious tears,

one 

by

one

by

one.

The anger comes

as you try

to gain control,

and fight

the urge to run.

A whirlwind

of emotions

spinning

you sick…

Making you feel

at times

like you

just want

to quit.

But you know

it’s a pain

that is

washing 

you clean…

And peeling away

what you

don’t

really need…

Your fears,

doubts,

and endless worry…

Allowing you to see,

that it’s with

His loving Grace,

You can be free…

Building Bridges

I wrote this poem last night…while contemplating my parents broken marriage, and where addiction has led us….If anything, all of this has strengthened my resolve to have a strong marriage and family life of my own. And we, like most, have had storms of our own..but relying on the grace from God has seen us through and has made us strong. Counseling and marriage retreats are NOT over rated!

You’ve burned

all your bridges

with your lies

over time,

 

And now 

I’m left standing

wondering why…

 

As I stumble

in the wreckage

of your past life.

 

The boards

are all splintered

and just left 

there to rot…

 

Where together

your hearts

once sheltered

and reached far across

 

They are now

left jagged

alone

among

the sharp rocks…

 

Alone, 

I can never repair

what was severed

 

Yet, we will

build

a strong bridge 

with Our Lord..

 

One that can

withstand

any sort

of weather…

 

Binding Ties

fireflys

 

The tie that binds..

when twisted to tight

can cause it

to unwind.

 

All that you dreamed up,

all that you schemed up,

are now just a dream

of a distant

lost time.

 

You’re no longer

sure of what’s real…

When did he leave?

What house did you live in?

 

All that you know

for sure,

is that staying here

was not in the deal.

 

You just wait

for the day

when we walk in 

to say

“Hi Mom, we’re here!”

 

It is then 

you remember

how our sweet

and caring faces

help to lift 

your dark doubts away.

 

And you’re thankful

in that moment…

Our love just made it

a more tolerable

and much brighter day.

A River of Hope

waterfall

On some days

the cold rains don’t stop

 

A stormy torrent 

of pains

colliding

with hard rocks.

 

I cling to Your grace

and Your cross

a little tighter

My knuckles are raw

I am a fighter

 

You are my sturdy boat

keeping my head held up

and my life afloat

I hear you gently say,

“Keep your eyes on me”

“Don’t be afraid”

 

And I do believe

that with You

I can be free

 

No matter the day

where or when,

I see….

 

Your saving hope

will always 

stay

with me.

“Walk on the Water”

You look around, staring back at you
Another wave of doubt, will it pull you under? You wonder
What if I’m overtaken? What if I never make it?
What if no one’s there? Will You hear my prayer?

When you take that first step into the unknown
You know that He won’t let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

So get out, and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don’t wait, and don’t you turn around and miss out
Everything you were made for, I know you’re not sure
So you play it safe, you try to run away

If you take that first step into the unknown
He won’t let you go

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities, they try to hold to you
But you know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water, too

Step out, even when it’s storming
Step out, even when you’re broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you
Telling you to give up

Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can’t see where you’re going
You don’t have to be afraid
So what are you waiting, what are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for? What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to hold to you
You know you’re made for more, so don’t be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes, and you can walk on the water
Walk on the water, too

Ascend

 

Our treetop hearts

bend and sway

in these strong winds.

 

Yet, our faithful roots

are sturdy,

strong, and deep,

and have no end.

 

We’re lined up,

row after row,

straight and tall

sustaining

lifelong friends.

 

If one should fall,

we hold her up

and help her stand

stable again.

 

Our prayers unite, 

and bind up the hurts,

lifted up

and upon the winds,

they ascend……

This was a poem I wrote today while admiring the trees in the park 🙂 I was thinking of all of the friends God has blessed me with in my life, and how He holds us up in so many ways. The following is a very beautiful song with amazing pictures of the Scottish lankscape. Enjoy and God bless 🙂